its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
