from now on my penis is your penis
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
