he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
