Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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