This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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