you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
