My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
