im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
