He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
