There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
