I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What a dumb baby whore.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
