Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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