we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
