hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
