I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
