Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
