dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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