3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
