Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
