Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
