All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
