On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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