sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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