I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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