how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
