I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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