i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
