I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
