Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
