So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
