so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
