I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
