Can i not drive my cunt home
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
