How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
