Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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