there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
