i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Less talking, more tequila
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
