Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
