I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
