An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
