Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
