Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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