Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
