Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
