Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
