he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
