I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think people are normalizing furries
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
