Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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