Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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