I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
