he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
