Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
