Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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