Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
