you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
