had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
