Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
