You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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