what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
