Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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