I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
